Friday, February 17, 2012

Boiling Point

Okay, reality is, I ahve reached a point where I need to do a retrospective, looking back at stuff in my life and how to fix it. I don't know where I went wrong with my friendships, or how to even fix them, but the point is, I am tired of wondering. How am I going to get over myself? Do I just stop talking and pray that people will come to me, or do I make a human honest to goodness effort to not be an obsessive friend who always wants to be around the same people, time and time again. I didn't always act so clingy and attached to friends that I have, (you know, like the limited number of friends). There actually, believe it or not was a time where I could embrace friendships from every possible angle of my life and accept it for what it was. I didn't care about making bonds, because I was on my own, and I didn't have a care in the world.

I must go on a journey within my own soul and figure out what it means to really be a friend. I have blogged about it before, but something has just been haunting my mind over and over again, and i just can't figure it out. What should I do? I don't know if I just back off and quit altogether or what, but I'm tired of spending all of my time wondering if I did anything wrong. Satan gets me down and makes me feel like I have to please people, I have to hang out the same people all the time, and I always get bent out of shape whenever I don't hang out with people. Something in my mind is not adding up because I know that I am a better person than this. I have been told by people in my life that before. When things got bad, I could always look to God, and say "I'm a better person than this!"

For now, I need to call it quits, I am overwhelmed, but at the same time, pouring out what is on my mind, onto a blog post helps me.


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