Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Aspbergers Awareness

With less than 3 months to go before the big day, things are swirling around in my head of how to handle life in general, especially social interactions with others around me. I have so many questions about how to do things differently from what i have been doing, but as I start to gather these answers, I am left in more confusion and shock. But my answers are coming. This is all about me, the dude with aspbergers syndrome.

For the longest time, I have learned how to interact socially, and sometimes i fail at how i interact because I don't know what to say, and will come up with inappropriate responses to people. I try to be funny, but the truth is, I am scared, scared of how to interact with others around me, because I don't know what to say to people or what to do, it is just tough for me to react.

Large crowds are a problem, because I am constantly thinking of how to respond to people's comments, and to react to jokes and statements, It is an overwhelming, stressful situation. Large crowds make me stressed out because I am forced to interact. I wonder if a lot of the problems i have created for myself stem out of large crowds and being in these situations. Overhwleming social interactions can cause problems for those people who have Aspbergers syndrome, but I am 25 years old, how long with this excuse be able to played before people so they can think that I can get away with my problems, I don't know what to do. God give me strength, grant me the serenity...to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can change, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Time has slipped

Sorry everyone, the last post was over a month ago and for good reason (not really) I AM BUSY AS HELL. seriously, 12 hours of seminary course work and 32 hours a week working for the SWBTS Physical Plant can drain a person. Not to mention planning a wedding, but I am truly glad that everything will be coming to its end here really soon. October 7th makes officially 3 months before Donna and I tie the knot; and it is just insane for me. I am getting closer and closer to realizing how great this adventure will be; as the reception hall comes together, the guest list, just everything about the wedding is coming together so nicely. Right now, I am on my fall break from seminary, which is ridiculous because I only take classes 1 day a week, and then I had saved up Paid Time Off from work, so I applied that to this week and am just using those hours while I am off from work as well, so I can have money saved up. My dynamics and values about life in general are changing for the better, but at what cost I ask?

I had come to a horrible place in my life that truly did (in my opinion, but not reality of the situation) cost me everything. Over the weekend of September 23-25th, I would have been attending a retreat with the singles ministry at Southcliff Baptist Church, but like a damn coward, I wanted to leave. I was so selfish in my life, I had made all the wrong choices, and I am here to tell you that life is not all about you, it's just not. We have to step back and say, God you have blessed my life with so many people, so why must I trample all over them? God breaks your heart in areas where it needs breaking. He seriously does, and often times we hate it when God pulls us to the corner like a loving, disciplining father who needs to teach us that it is not okay to do the things that we do. That is what I have learned. As important as I think my life is, "you are a legend in your own mind" you want people to notice you, well take some time and notice other people first.

God has broken through a lot of things in myself that I have not even been seeing in my own life, but others have, and I am just so grateful that people made the difficult decisions necessary in my life to help me succeed, I want to do great things for God's glory, and if that means I have to be taught hard lessons, then SO BE IT. God work in me so I can be used, I don't want to be a useless rusted out tool in your shed, I want to be effective.

More posts are to come, I am writing this one from my Fall Break trip to South Florida, so I am enjoying my time with family.