Sunday, October 3, 2010

A Lament for Louisville

(Written while listening to Raj Ramayya - “Strangers” from the soundtrack to Wolf’s Rain and “All Things New” by Steven Curtis Chapman)

There are days in my life (speaking as a recent standpoint) where I wish I could be back in Kentucky. Sitting in a dorm room, looking out the window as the snow falls down. I miss seeing the snow. I miss the faces of the people I spent my time with. The long drive down the Gene Snyder to Valley Station in the middle of fall as the sun was setting. That time has long past. I have entered a vast wilderness that seems as though it is endless. God has taken hold of my life and revealed to me it is okay for me to be happy again. I am so unsure as I realize that the snow will not always fall here. I cannot walk out the front door of my dorm and walk to downtown Louisville anymore, in a coat while I wish it were warmer. What I would give to have this life back again, but if I focus on what I’ve left behind, I’ll never be able to see what lies ahead. Sometimes statements like that are easier said than done. I want to keep moving forward, but it feels like part of my being is crying out to God in heaven saying, let me have it back god, I want to have what I had a year ago, and live it ALL OVER AGAIN. I would be willing to repeat something that cannot be repeated.

I miss the comfort, I miss the Chai Lattes at Founder’s, I miss having the security of a meal plan, where I didn’t have to worry about where my food was going to come from. But the reality of this whole situation is that God moved in my life to the point where I can say, I shouldn't want to have this back, so Lord, don't give it back to me, let me have exactly what I am supposed to have.


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